Trying

Well its been a while after we turned from being one to being two. I keep telling myself that i've moved on but, every time i see her name, every time i see her face. why do i always feel so uneasy? is it hatred, anger, the fact that she shows almost no sign that she cared about me? I dont know....i really don't. I've tried to mend our friendship....well what's left of it. Every word that comes from her mouth just seems to irritate me, i'm probably just over thinking things. But why am i the only one trying to fix our friendship? Why isn't she lifting a finger to help make things the way they once were? Maybe I've just been clouded by my optimistic reasoning that she still cares about me in her own little self centered world. Maybe i was right from the very beginning that she never cared about me at all. If thats the case why should i keep trying to fix things with her when its so clear she doesn't even care about my existence. I'm really running out of trying here, I've been trying so hard this whole stupid year. 

Our bond, what we had in the beginning. Maybe i should start asking myself if things will ever be the way they once were or if it'll just keep going down into the vortex of nothingness. So many questions, so many thoughts. I've had enough of wallowing in my own self pity. I think its time to put an end to this. If she doesn't care, i don't think i should care about saving what's left of what we once were.

Today I'm going to be seeing her with the rest of the group maybe what happens today will help make things easier to decide. Who knows right? Maybe I'll see what i've always wanted. Maybe it was for the best when my relationship door closed, it may have opened another to someone who really does care about me and accepts me for who i am. Or maybe thats just a bunch of optimistic bullshit, like how i thought waiting for someone for a fukn year would actually pay off.